Please, Not Another Pink Palace

There has got to be a balance. Who are these people?  You know, those “experts” who design “Breast Health Centers”, “Diagnostic Radiology Facilities”, “Women’s Braless Boutique” or whatever trendy name they’re given.

First, let’s talk about the fountains. They’re not relaxing. They make me want to pee. I am nervous enough. I am over 50. I am a busy woman who hates to take time out of any given day to do something so mundane and sigh, necessary such as peeing. It can throw off my entire productive mojo streak.

Now, here in this room, which is so overrun with pink it practically smells like Pepto Bismal,  I’m nervous.  I got called back for a second mammogram. Did I miss a lump? Did I imagine my boob hurting?  Every other person I know has breast cancer so it must be my turn, right?  I was so preoccupied this morning I forgot to stop to pee and now I’m sitting here in this stupid pink room with a giant wall fountain staring at me. Taunting me:  Psssssss Tinkle Psssss Tinkle…. The angel statues don’t help either, thankyouverymuch. Will I be seeing real ones soon? Should I be praying for my breast health? That I don’t die? That I don’t pee in my pants?

I’m afraid to get up and pee because, 1. There’s only ONE bathroom in this waiting room and it’s coed. HELLO? In the “Women’s Breast  Health Retreat & Spa” waiting room” there is one (1) bathroom. Did you forget about the fountain? Again, who designed this space? A man? Obviously, but wasn’t there one woman over the age of 40 who was on a committee to approve this space? Oh wait, never mind. Pretend I didn’t ask that.

2. I might miss hearing my name called and I don’t want to put this exam off any further than I have to.

3. That coed bathroom is not soundproof. Even that “soothing water feature” on the wall can’t hide the noise of human nature. And I’m not a big fan of sharing my human nature with my husband of 30 years let alone men I don’t know.  In a public space.

Now, we need to discuss the color choices here? How about the pink ribbon emblazened and bright pink gowns? “Here, take off everything from the waist up and put on this gown with symbols and colors that remind you that that pain in your boob might kill you.” Besides, cancer is not pretty. It isn’t femine or sweet or soft. Stop with the damn pinkwashing already. Stop it.

Do we all not know why we’re here and what for what this place is designated? Can’t we find a balance? Be feminine, professional, relaxing, comforting without pepto bismal pink explosions, ribbons, angels and waterfalls? And maybe throw in a women’s only bathroom while you’re at it?

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